What Do You Do With a Chocolate Jesus?: An Irreverent

What Do You Do With a Chocolate Jesus?: An Irreverent

What Do You Do With a Chocolate Jesus?: An Irreverent History of Christianity [KINDLE] ❀ What Do You Do With a Chocolate Jesus?: An Irreverent History of Christianity Author Thomas Quinn – Larringtonlifecoaching.co.uk What Do You Do with a Chocolate Jesus is a funny, skeptical, but authentic exploration of the Christian history they don t teach in Sunday school It finds humor, irony, and occasional insight amid the What Do You Do with a You Do Kindle Ï Chocolate Jesus is a funny, skeptical, but authentic exploration of the Christian history they don t teach in Sunday school It finds humor, irony, and occasional insight amid the inconsistencies, absurdities, hypocrisies, and flat out weirdness that too often passes for eternal truth Think of it as a history of religion as done by The Daily Show Pitting actual Scripture against pious propaganda, Thomas Quinn treks through chapter and verse of the New Testament, explores the sordid saga of medieval beliefs including End of the What Do Kindle - World panics and fights about what kind of stuff Jesus was made of , and reveals some of the shocking attitudes of America s founders toward religion It isn t always pretty, but it s usually good for a laugh If war is too important to leave to the generals, religion is too important to leave to the preachers Skeptics need evangelists, too.


About the Author: Thomas Quinn

Librarian note There isthan one author You Do Kindle Ï in the GoodReads database with this name.



10 thoughts on “What Do You Do With a Chocolate Jesus?: An Irreverent History of Christianity

  1. Melki Melki says:

    Dang Somebody already ate the ears Yeah, I knowI m going to hell in that little basket But, before I do, let s have a little chat about religion, shall we I am a nonbeliever Period I do not believe we were created by a supreme being It doesn t bother me a bit if you believe quite the opposite just don t ask me to join your church, or try to force my kids read your bible in school Oh, and two other things don t insist that the government be run according to your religious beliefs, Dang Somebody already ate the ears Yeah, I knowI m going to hell in that little basket But, before I do, let s have a little chat about religion, shall we I am a nonbeliever Period I do not believe we were created by a supreme being It doesn t bother me a bit if you believe quite the opposite just don t ask me to join your church, or try to force my kids read your bible in school Oh, and two other things don t insist that the government be run according to your religious beliefs, and don t declare war on those who do not worship the same god That s it That s all I ask Seems simple enough, yet apparently many do not see these as reasonable requests The author agrees with me, and with this book, he attempts to humorously point out misconceptions engendered by various interpretations of the Bible, and, wellI ll let him explain it himselfthe same folks who swear by every word of the Scripture manage to ignore so much of it Attitudes completely at odds with what Jesus talked about somehow get his imprimatur It s false advertising and its been going on for a couple thousand years now That s not to say there isn t plenty to learn from Scripture We don t want to throw the baby Jesus out with the holy bathwater But when politically active religion junkies use this stuff as an assault on history, science, freedom, and common sense, the rest of us need a little ammo to fire back From contradictory accounts of the same events, to writers who didn t seem to know the geography of areas they were writing about, Quinn debunks much of what has been written He exhales a frustrated and repeated sigh to the iffy nature of the Bible Supposedly, people were there They saw these things why didn t anybody write this down is his exasperated cry Then there s the needlessly befuddling nature of it all The whole idea of Jesus ministry was to make simple truths available to simple people so that the maximum number could avoid damnation Why did we need experts and councils to figure out what should be obvious to a first century shepherd The book is quite funny I laughed aloudtimes than I can count, but there is an underlying seriousness to the text Religion, unchecked, can be a dangerous thing I know you ve all met people who pick and choose parts of the Bible that mesh conveniently with their personal opinions This is the biblical literalist s stock in trade spinning the meaning of verses that don t agree with their beliefs into ones that do I suppose this is how many so many fundamentalists ended up casting their votes in 2016 for a lecherous adulterer who worships gold.I could go on and on, this book is so darned quotable, but I won t Read it for yourself if you re curious I do have to add, however, this great bit about faith, one of the things I m apparently lacking Faith is belief in the absence of evidence When you fall back on faith, you give up the ability to distinguish fantasy from fact because you re no longer looking for proof Faith is not a higher standard than reason, it s a lower one It s based on feelings, and even animals have those Your cat believes she can catch that fish on the TV screen Your dog has faith that, when you take him to the vet, he ll come back with his balls It ain t always the case Religion is based on what we want It s about faith, belief, and hope Its appeal is emotional, and if something has emotional appeal, we ll buy it This gives it a huge advantage over something like science Science tells us we re pond scum that evolved an opposable thumb Religion says we re God s top accomplishment This may make him something of an underachiever, but it s reassuring to think the creator of the universe is personally interested in my health, my career, and my right to own guns If you re an atheist, reading this is like, wellpreaching to the choir If you re a Christian, I urge you to pick this up I doubt it will make you lose your faith, though you might just find yourself with plenty of questions that will stump your minister Don t blindly follow Question, question, question Ultimately, the God answer isn t the be all, end all solution it s made out to be It s a comforting concept, but it s not eternal truth It s only an opinion of eternal truth


  2. John John says:

    Wasn t sure about this one based on the title, but it s actually used as a springboard to a discussion of taking the Bible New Testament literally Author examines the NT in detail, pointing out the contradictions found in different versions of the Christ story, later going on to examine Acts and Revelation similarly as well Final section focuses on the American founding fathers own words describing their strong objections to a non secular society guided by as a euphemism a specific reli Wasn t sure about this one based on the title, but it s actually used as a springboard to a discussion of taking the Bible New Testament literally Author examines the NT in detail, pointing out the contradictions found in different versions of the Christ story, later going on to examine Acts and Revelation similarly as well Final section focuses on the American founding fathers own words describing their strong objections to a non secular society guided by as a euphemism a specific religion.Some devout folks would see this as bashing, but he doesn t resort to outright sarcasm from opinion Definitely recommended.Usually, author narration doesn t work out well, but it s good here that Quinn read the material himself Reminded me a lot of Eric Weiner


  3. Natasha Holme Natasha Holme says:

    Thomas Quinn is a funny guy I appreciated the gentle understatement of his digs at Christianity, for example The next morning, when he wakes up hungry, Jesus spots a fig tree But there s nothing on it except leaves So, this is what the Gospel writers claim Jesus says to the tree May no fruit ever come from you again And the fig tree withered at once Mark 11 13, Matt 21 18 I always felt sorry for that fig tree, though I suppose the scene would ve been uglier if Jesus had been thirsty Thomas Quinn is a funny guy I appreciated the gentle understatement of his digs at Christianity, for example The next morning, when he wakes up hungry, Jesus spots a fig tree But there s nothing on it except leaves So, this is what the Gospel writers claim Jesus says to the tree May no fruit ever come from you again And the fig tree withered at once Mark 11 13, Matt 21 18 I always felt sorry for that fig tree, though I suppose the scene would ve been uglier if Jesus had been thirsty and came across a cow that didn t give milk We re told this episode demonstrates the power of faith I think it also shows that Jesus wasn t a morning person.A voice cries In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God Isaiah 40 3 If prophecy says The Messiah needs a voice crying in the wilderness, he gets one Except it doesn t say that It says a voice cries And what does it cry In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord It s the way of the Lord that s in the wilderness, not the crying voice Crying in the wilderness is stupid because nobody lives in the wilderness John would be preaching to mountain gazelles Much better for the voice to cry in the center of town.Bishops prefer lines about the Second Coming like I will come like a thief, and you will not know what hour I will come upon you Rev 3 3 It s a smart position to take It gives them an out every day they wake up and discover the world is still here which is every day.He makes a vast quantity of very good points, such as The faith has done a 180 on every values issue from slavery and women s equality, to free speech and religious tolerance, over just the past 500 years This is somebody s idea of Moral Absolutes.John s baptism of Jesus raises an embarrassing theological question for the early Christians Baptism is a ritual of purification, the washing away of sin Well, if Jesus was born without sin, why did he need to be baptized How can Mark have Jesus send out his disciples in chapter six when they don t learn that he s The Messiah until chapter eight When it comes to money, Jesus isDalai Lama than Adam Smith Nowhere does he extol hard work, private property, personal ambition, wealth creation, efficiency, investment, or saving for the future.The only verse in the entire Bible that comes close to commenting on how we should view the unborn is from the Old Testament, Exodus 21 22, which says that, if men fight and cause a pregnant woman to miscarry, a fine shall be paid But if the woman herself is killed, it s eye for an eye a death sentence There s a huge difference in the penalty for killing a mother versus killing her fetus One is treated like murder, the other like a parking ticket Clearly, Scripture regards the born and the unborn as different which is the pro choice view An acorn is not an oak tree So, if anything, the Bible is pro choice.Some claim words like this generation really mean this era of history or some such double talk Apologists do this all the time They ll insist the story of Noah s flood be taken literally, but when Jesus plainly forecasts the End of Time within a generation, it s just poetic license Jesus is saving mankind, but who is he saving mankind from Who s demanding this sacrifice in exchange for salvation God Isn t he God He comes to earth and lets himself be killed to save us from his own wrath Isn t this like cutting off his own hand so he won t punch us in the mouth Now, if you insist he is saving us from Satan, I m afraid you go to the back of the class Satan is God s creation, just like the law of gravity or head lice God can crush the devil like a bug if he wants And he will Satan rebelled against the Lord and the Lord will have his vengeance So why wait so long And why drag us into it If God wants to save us from our sins, why did he make us sinful in the first place Because he gave us free will Why does free will automatically lead to sin Couldn t God make beings that freely chose to be nice all the time Like bunny rabbits Of course he could He s God This is the single most important event in the entire Christian religion the resurrection of Jesus Christ and his biographers still can t get their stories straight Yet everyone is supposed to accept these accounts as word for word sacred truth Conveniently, we have four sacred truths to choose from.Oddly, Acts never says what happens to most of the twelve apostles after the crucifixion You d think a dozen wonder workers with the same healing powers as Jesus would have generated serious buzz across the Near East Yet nobody, not the Romans nor the Greeks nor the Egyptians nor even the Bible documents anything they do For God has consigned all men to disobedience, that he may have mercy upon all Romans 11 32 In other words, he made us heroin addicts so that we d all seek his holy rehab clinic Technically, God is excusing his own shoddy work he wants moral perfection but, instead of creating it himself, he churns out flawed humans and expects us to achieve what he failed to conjure up Paul never describes the particulars of Jesus ministry He never mentions Bethlehem or virgin births or John the Baptist or miracle healings No mass feedings or landmark sermons He says nothing about Pontius Pilate or Jesus on trial He seems completely unaware of the stories that show up years later in the four Gospels.The classic response to this is that God wants us to love and obey him through faith But why is that What does faith accomplish when it comes to love I love my mother I wouldn t love herif there were some doubt of her existence Nor would I beinclined to obey her rules if my belief in her was based solely on ancient writings To rely on faith means to abandon your senses, literally, and lose the ability to distinguish reality from bullshit If faith itself is proof, then all religions would be true because they re all based on faith If you think most of them aren t true, then you re forced to concede that faith is not reliable it usually steers people wrong.Even today, many evangelical pastors keep us entertained when they characterize a hurricane or a terrorist attack as the Lord s vengeance against Roe vs Wade or same sex marriages Interesting that they know the specific offenses that get God to blow his stack And it s always those offenses It s never war, torture, greed, or ads for Christmas gifts in October.If an earthquake hits South America and ten thousand die in the ruins, nobody blames God for the disaster even if managing seismic events would seem to fit his job description Yet, if an infant is found in the rubble without a scratch, everybody praises the Lord for the miracle We do this same sort of thing with our values we attribute them to our faith whether or not it was actually responsible for them.Happy people don t write stuff like The Revelation to John


  4. Marcelo Marcelo says:

    If you always thought the utter destruction of all religious thought would be fun, Thomas Quinn shows you fun.First of all, this is a skeptic book Are we clear Ok, because I don t think you could handle it if you have the faintest gossamer of religiosity in you On the other hand, if you re a skeptic, agnostic or plain and simple atheist, I dare you to try and put this book down once you started reading it I also dare you not to laugh out loud with Quinn s witty, well timed humor The author If you always thought the utter destruction of all religious thought would be fun, Thomas Quinn shows you fun.First of all, this is a skeptic book Are we clear Ok, because I don t think you could handle it if you have the faintest gossamer of religiosity in you On the other hand, if you re a skeptic, agnostic or plain and simple atheist, I dare you to try and put this book down once you started reading it I also dare you not to laugh out loud with Quinn s witty, well timed humor The author pokes so much fun at the Christian faith that I almost felt sorry for them And the best part is that he just uses material from the Bible or from Church history, all the while comparing Scripture with the historical reality around the time it was written and with logic itself The first chapters constitute a veritable treatise of biblical analysis Using the best and most recent historical tools and sources, Quinn tears the Gospels apart and invites the reader to have a long, hard look into the crazy bullshit that have infected humanity 2,000 years ago And then he goes on investigating how it happened.The final third of the book is spent using all the knowledge acquired throughout the book to compare modern religious rant with what s really said in the Bible Then the book ends with a couple of chapters destroying the idea that America was built upon Christian values and is especially dedicated to showing how we re much better off without that which is ultimately nothing but a human invention.A must read


  5. Patti Patti says:

    Won in a Goodreads Giveaway I m not anti religion I m anti shove your religion in my face and tell me that your way is the only way I m anti the bible is the be all end all This outstanding book shows how Christianity came to be, despite the fact that the bible contradicts itself in many, many ways I got a reminder of some old stuff and learned some new.Quinn s funny take on the subject matter made it much easier to digest I wouldn t call it irreverent at all, just laugh out loud funny Won in a Goodreads Giveaway I m not anti religion I m anti shove your religion in my face and tell me that your way is the only way I m anti the bible is the be all end all This outstanding book shows how Christianity came to be, despite the fact that the bible contradicts itself in many, many ways I got a reminder of some old stuff and learned some new.Quinn s funny take on the subject matter made it much easier to digest I wouldn t call it irreverent at all, just laugh out loud funny.If you are at all sensitive to religious discussions, stay far the hell away from this book If you have an open mind, and like to laugh, by all means read this book now.Recommended to anyone with a thick skin and a sense of humor


  6. Douglas Reedy Douglas Reedy says:

    Waste of time While reading this book it occurred to me that the author was just trying to find problems about the Bible and people s faith The items about Jesus and His first followers s inconsistencies in their writings shows that different people seeing the same event will all have different accounts I did like his take on the founding fathers and the set up of the government.


  7. Timothy McNeil Timothy McNeil says:

    I wanted to like this book , but 1 Quinn decides that proof doesn t equal actual proof when it comes to archaeological evidence of where the Hebrews had been such as Egypt or the Sinai Peninsula.2 Quinn completely ignores Jesus reportedly having said that he was not here on Earth to change any of the old Hebrew rules 3 Quinn gives no service to the actual denominational differences that fragment modern post Reformation Christianity.He is a little to taken with what he assumes i I wanted to like this book , but 1 Quinn decides that proof doesn t equal actual proof when it comes to archaeological evidence of where the Hebrews had been such as Egypt or the Sinai Peninsula.2 Quinn completely ignores Jesus reportedly having said that he was not here on Earth to change any of the old Hebrew rules 3 Quinn gives no service to the actual denominational differences that fragment modern post Reformation Christianity.He is a little to taken with what he assumes is a sure fire sense of humor it is muchhit or miss, and undercuts most of the points he gets around to making It would have been better for Quinn to have cut the jokes attitude by about a third and filled that space withhistorical and germane information.Not bad, but it is clearly aimed at an audience that will already agree with his mostly anti religion point of view Worst of all, Quinn never offers an answer for what one should do with a chocolate Jesus That should be the ultimate punchline to the book even if it is just to note that the modern conception of Christ is so much of a different kind of confection , but it rates only an offhand reference near the end to remind the readers he remembers the title of the book.Now, if one wants multiple recurring references to the contradictions in the Gospels and New Testament in general , this book will be handy Quinn clearly has done a fair amount of research and is deft at showing how many of the myths of the Bible likely originated with older Mediterranean and Mesopotamian civilizations Unfortunately, he does not follow through on the Christian criticisms of these texts and stories noting the the LCMS arose out of opposition to Humanism, and that the major focus of Humanism was studying pre Biblical texts would have been the least he could do


  8. Johanne Johanne says:

    I would have given it 5 stars but the blokey rather American go figure etc. style was sometimes wearing that said it is an excellent run through the Bible funny and informative even for someone who is reasonably familiar with the myths It starts with its debt to any number of previously popular deities and stories although it skips my favourite Moses alike Sargon and his basket and then looks at the inconsistencies, contradictions and just plain lunacy of the old new testaments A rou I would have given it 5 stars but the blokey rather American go figure etc. style was sometimes wearing that said it is an excellent run through the Bible funny and informative even for someone who is reasonably familiar with the myths It starts with its debt to any number of previously popular deities and stories although it skips my favourite Moses alike Sargon and his basket and then looks at the inconsistencies, contradictions and just plain lunacy of the old new testaments A round up then follows of all the bits of Christian mythology added by various writers popes etc and a comparison of who actually has the best values Greece Rome, OT NT I particularly enjoyed the comparison of the gospels and the list of things that don t appear in the NT Oh and Jesus was actually called Joshua but the first bible translators changed it.And I really like the good reads review where someone presumably a Christian gives the book 1 star and attributes the authors attitude to having met nasty Christians


  9. Sarah Sarah says:

    this book was packed with facts about the history of Christianity it didn t go into great detail, but given an excellent overview I learned a lot from it I also like the fact that the author s tone was very evenhanded he had no problem criticizing Christianity, but he didn t use vitriol to do it He kept up a pretty neutral tone, although he did outline some of the abuses of the churches, especially in the Middle Ages A lot of atheist books I read are really attacks on religion in a sen this book was packed with facts about the history of Christianity it didn t go into great detail, but given an excellent overview I learned a lot from it I also like the fact that the author s tone was very evenhanded he had no problem criticizing Christianity, but he didn t use vitriol to do it He kept up a pretty neutral tone, although he did outline some of the abuses of the churches, especially in the Middle Ages A lot of atheist books I read are really attacks on religion in a sense this was too, in that it presented information that was not favorable to the church Protestant or Catholic but the tone of the book was not his vicious or attacking as many others He managed also present some good things that the church has done, which is something you don t usually find in this type of book


  10. Jennifer Matt Jennifer Matt says:

    I feel that I have the same twisted sense of humor as the author, so I really couldn t stop reading this If you are very sensitive about your religion or have a closed mind, this book is probably not for you.Interesting facts with humor in all the right spots, you just can t go wrong With all that said, I still do not feel this was a religion bashing book I think he handles the topic beautifully.My parents left the Catholic church years ago for half the things that are addressed in this book I feel that I have the same twisted sense of humor as the author, so I really couldn t stop reading this If you are very sensitive about your religion or have a closed mind, this book is probably not for you.Interesting facts with humor in all the right spots, you just can t go wrong With all that said, I still do not feel this was a religion bashing book I think he handles the topic beautifully.My parents left the Catholic church years ago for half the things that are addressed in this book But alas, they are back at the Church It all comes down to faithyou can still believe in God and laugh at this book Promise


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